Saturday, February 6, 2010

Chef's Widow...

Let me just warn you first - this is a post to just 'air' my frustrations with my chef. So, I'm sure it will seem like I am bitching and maybe I am but since this is my place, I can do that!

For the past several weeks he has been complaining about not seeing me/being with me/just hanging out with me/etc. You all get the idea. As many of you know and are aware of that being married to a chef means that I am a 'widow' on holidays, every freaking Friday & Saturday nights, evenings during the week... the restaurant owns him basically. Some of you may be wondering, didn't she know this before marrying him and the answer is a resounding YES! I knew all of this because we were together for 2 1/2 years prior to us getting married this past July. I knew what I was getting into but lately it's different... let me explain.

1. We have decided that now is the time for Yummy to venture out on his own and take the huge leap of faith and open a place of his own. It's exciting and I am SO proud of him and I KNOW he can do it and make it work. We had people come to us this past fall and inquire about him opening his own place and told us they would back it if this was something we both wanted. Hell yeah!!!

This has meant that after the hectic, chaotic holiday season that starts right after turkey day and goes through NYE Yummy has been putting together a business plan (of course, with my help - I'm the phone person, research person, read this, proof this, all around business plan bitch I suppose would be my title). This nasty deed is long and tedious and consumes most of his waking time that he is not serving the public. I've done as much as I can to help but I'm not in the restaurant industry per se so I don't know all the number stuff. It started as a venture that he insisted that it would take both of us to run the restaurant and I would need to be in it when the princes weren't with us - meaning rubbing elbows with the guests, making sure the servers are doing their jobs, etc. Basically a night time manager/owner. THEN all of a sudden he's talking about having a friend who has NO experience in the industry be the GM! WTF!!! Then, it goes to no we don't need one because you'll be there and eventually you can quit teaching and work at the restaurant. Uugghh... it changes daily - some days he wants me involved and others it seems that he would be fine if I was never there. So, IDK.

2. The next 'problem' is that he has been constantly complaining about us not spending time together and not seeing me and missing me. Blah, blah, blah. I totally get this because like I said each waking minute is spent working on this plan, doing research, etc. I have the same feelings as Yummy does and try to make time/find time/etc. so we can be together. But the problem lies in that he doesn't do the same. When I try, he's only interested in working on that damn plan.

He had 2 days off this week in a row (not typically) and was excited about it because he was going to get to spend some time with his family. Wednesday night I had to be at school because of the talent show but came home early from that so I could see him. As soon as I hit the door, I got the princes to bed/checked homework so I could see Yummy. What does Yummy do? Opens the plan and starts working on it. So much for that! Thursday night the princes are picked up from after school care by the ex who drops them off at 4:30 which I then take them to the skating party (Yummy doesn't typically have Thursdays off so this was not told to me until Wednesday.) for school which I asked Yummy to go with us. He chose to meet his friend to go over the plan (This is the friend that has not industry experience.). Yummy asked what time I would be home and I told him by 8:30 but probably closer to 8. Got home and no Yummy. Sent him a text letting him know I was home and he informed me that he stopped at the new wine bar because our friend wanted to go. Okay, so much for spending time together this week I thought. At 9:30 I went to bed with no Yummy who didn't come to bed until midnight. Not sure what time he got home.

Now he's wondering why I'm in a mood and just doesn't get it. He chose to be out with friends which is starting to happen more and more (and no, I'm not one of those wives that thinks her husband can't have friends but when he complains about not spending time with me...). He doesn't get why I've got a cold shoulder towards him and tells me he'll make it up to me. Ahem, yeah... not gonna hold my breath.

His answer to me is 'we just need a weekend get-a-way'. Yeah... that's the answer! Why would I even want to spend the money to go away for the weekend and hopefully have him pay attention to me because it's going to be a weekend of research for the restaurant since he wants to go to Cleveland and check out several different restaurants there when he doesn't give me the time of day here at home. A change of scenery isn't going to make a difference!

There it's off my chest so to speak... I'm sure you all will have thoughts and yes, tell me if I'm being bitchy, inconsiderate, whatever... maybe I am but the funny thing is I'm not mad or angry - I'm hurt I guess is the best way to put it.

1 comment:

Lilith said...

This maybe a stupid question, but have you told him how you feel? That you miss him too, but you feel he only cares about the new business right now?

Maybe he doesn't realize that spending all his free time on this business plan is hurting you.

Maybe you should sit down and have a talk and explain to him that while you understand this is important to him, you need to spend time with him and only him. Not him and his business plan.