What a week! I'm just plain tired of dealing with an ex-husband who just doesn't get it. I had a two hour meeting with him and the parenting coordinator FINALLY to begin working on proper communication techniques so maybe, just maybe, I can have a productive post-divorce relationship with him. Hmm... at this point I don't think that will ever happen but you can be the judge of the matter.
During the meeting again - he did not take any responsibility for anything that has transpired. I was 'forced' into explaining each and every issue that I have with him while he was not required to do so by the coordinator. I'm thinking at this point that he's being favored. Then when I brought up the issue of him not giving me first right of refusal when it comes to him needing a babysitter for the kids and him saying he ALWAYS does this, I reminded him of the 3 times that he has never notified me that he would be having a sitter and did not give me the opportunity to decline spending more time with my kids. The biggest was when he went into the hospital on Easter morning at about 2 a.m. He had enough sense about him to call our son's godfather, gather all of their school belongs, coats, clothes they had worn to his house that needed to be returned to me, their shoes and place them all in an OCD line up by the front door so his friend would not have to hunt for anything. I was notified at 6 a.m. that morning when I received a phone call by his friend telling me to come get my kids so he could get home and explained that the ex was in the hospital but he had not heard from him. WTF??? I was not called and it's VERY black and white in the states outline and it doesn't say that if you're having a heart attack you don't have to call (oh, and he didn't have a heart attack just an irregular heartbeat probably from the uppers that he takes but unfortunately I can't prove that he does but I have heard from people that he pops 'something'.). But when I relayed this to him and the coordinator, he said that he didn't want to deal with the stress of calling me. *Ahem* excuse me but you are required by law idiot to do so regardless of the situation. If he would have called me I would have told him that was fine and to have his friend call me in the morning. (Does this sound unreasonable?) But to top it off, the coordinator looked at him and said she was understanding that he decided not to because he didn't want to stress himself out because he said he felt the need to protect himself. Again WTF??? Protect himself from what?
Then on Friday afternoon the youngest prince received 'student of the month' at school and was given the award at church. We both received an email from the school 3 weeks ago asking for his shirt size which I responded to. I went to the mass as well did the ex and the prince's step-dad. All the princes sat with me and their step-dad during the mass after we had asked if they wanted to sit with us, their dad or their class. They chose us. I did not see the ex come in or see where he was sitting in the full church because of the ENTIRE school being there for this. After the service, the princes were asked if they wanted to go see their dad and they said 'no' because he was going to pick them up at the parking lot after school. Well, okay then. I walked the youngest prince to his class and the older two went to their classrooms to get their things for dismissal. I walked out with all 3 princes to the parking lot because I needed to give cub scout shirts to the ex for today's raingutter regatta.
After giving the shirts to the ex, he asked if I would call him to discuss what happened today. What the hell? He went on to tell me that I robbed him of enjoying the mass with his sons! I about fell over. He received the SAME notification as I did. He was there. He made no attempt to have the princes sit with him. Blah, blah, blah...
This morning I get an email from the coordinator with an email forwarded from the ex regarding the church incident. He complained that I did not cc him on the shirt size email as he found out from the school that I had responded. He complained that I snatched the boys and how he was saving seats for all of us and how we sat where there was no room for him. Ok, pple... when we came in the church was FULL. Seriously, there were 2 spots with enough room for us to sit. We did not see him and IF he did see us, why did he not come over to us or motion to get my attention? Hmm... He continued to complain about the youngest prince coming back after the award to sit with me and how he could not enjoy the award with him. If he wanted the prince to sit with him, then why did HE not get up and come meet the prince when he was returning from receiving the award? The list goes on and on.
He also complained about being forbidden as he put it from his son's birthday party at MY house that I was paying for!!! The reason that he is not allowed in MY house is that he has over the last year started to become physically assaulting to me when we are in the same area and have any exchange that he does not like. He has shoved me into doors, thrown water bottles at me and slammed my truck door into my shoulder and leg as I was trying to get out of my truck. Hmm... PLUS, my attorney has told me that if I am paying for an event then I do not have to invite the ex to it and I was advised that I needed to stay away from him because of the potential risk.
He also complained in the email about me telling him and his girlfriend (and I use this term loosely) that they could not sit beside me at soccer games. I have endured 2 seasons of them plopping their asses down right beside me, talking about me like I am not there when he and I have discussed something because she ALWAYS has her two cents AND SERIOUSLY, WHY WOULD SHE WANT TO SIT BESIDE THE EX-WIFE? So, I nicely explained to him that the kids could run down to where he was sitting prior to picking up all their shit and moving it right behind my freakin' chair to where I had to step over them to get to it IF the princes wanted to either a) see them or b) sit with him. From what the oldest prince tells me that before I got back to my seat, the ex came over and started moving all of my shit to make room for him and his girlfriend. Okay, seriously... not cool. They got pissed, she made a comment to me about her not having a problem with sitting with me and they moved back to where they were at. But according to him, I yelled at him and it was embarrassing for them. Well, gee... according to the therapist and attorney, they do not get to sit with me UNLESS I am OK with it. Guess what asshole, I AM NOT OKAY WITH IT!!!
Oh yeah... and the last thing is that he is pissed that the school or daycare (that I pay for) calls me first and notifies me of things with the princes. He thinks that he should have the opportunity to be notified instead of me well, the ONE and ONLY time the school did that when one of the princes left school sick and he picked them up at 10 a.m., I wasn't notified by the ex until 6.5 hours later that my son had left school! So all day, I was thinking that my son was at school! This is why the school is told to call me no matter what and let me know PLUS I am the custodial parent according the divorce paper work. DUH!!
So, now... I get to meet this Tuesday with the ex and coordinator to begin a series of 4 meetings to try to help with the communication issues and discuss all of his concerns! What the fuck? What about my concerns? I guess those will get tabled for this first meeting and I will get to tell him off or I'll completely get my ass handed to me by the coordinator. But I have a feeling that it will be to court we go soon...
Showing posts with label divorce. Show all posts
Showing posts with label divorce. Show all posts
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Monday, November 17, 2008
Do I Need to Draw a Picture?
Growl... I just want to say I hate ex-husbands (EH). Just had to get it off my chest. I guess, better than being on my chest. ~wink~ If that was the case, he wouldn't be my ex. LMAO Anyway, I think he's PMSing or something equivalent that a guy does! (Sorry to all my guy readers but I know NONE of you PMS!) Everything has come to a boil and is spiraling out of control.
I've had problems since the beginning of the school year with him making sure the princes have completed their homework. He'll bring them back on Sunday evening with homework not done, big projects not done and that are due on THAT Monday! Each night parents are to sign the assignment planner that the oldest prince has per his teacher's policy but for some reason, EH thinks he's above it and doesn't sign it which means he hasn't looked at it to know what oldest prince needed to have done for the next day. This has resulted in 3 late assignments - I know, that's not much but the pattern is starting. In September, he had my princes for an entire week and the middle prince had a diorama to put together. The assignment sheet came home on a Tuesday and it was due that following Monday. Friday I pick the princes up from after-school care and get a text from EH saying that he has the assignment sheet along with the shoe box for the project and it's due Monday. Well, that just threw a kink in the plans of going to Michigan to the lake cottage for the weekend. Instead, I had to stay here and search for a freakin' raccoon toys small enough to fit in this damn diorama and help the middle prince put it together. And I did it all with a smile on my face because that's what moms do! ~smiling~ When I asked EH about why nothing was done except for gathering the shoe box and printing off some information from the web, he replied because we were busy. Well, gee buddy... we're all busy and ya' need to step up to the plate and multi-task like the rest of us parents.
The busy excuse is his excuse EVERY time homework is not done or a test hasn't been studied for and it's that Monday. Gawd, I know he wants to be the Disney dad and all but it's about ridiculous.
The kicker came a few weeks ago when the princes came back from their usual weekend but this time they were way more violent with each other and all they could do is talk about killing stuff! Yikes! We're talking a 9, 8 and 5 year old here people! Come to find out they had been allowed by their "father" and I use that term loosely, to play 'Dangerous Hunt 2009' and 'Ghost Squad' on their Wii. This 'Dangerous Hunt' game is rather disturbing... it's rated for Teens and it's about a hunter that hunts exotic animals but ends up becoming the hunted. The animals viciously attack the hunter and it's rather graphic for little princes to handle! The 'Ghost Squad' is about a counter-terrorist military group that seeks out terrorists and kills them. Another very graphic game for little ones. So finding this all out, I did what any good parent would do and called EH to inquire. I got told that it's not a big deal, they weren't playing the games but then in the same breath, he said he watched them play it and the littlest prince was right there the whole time! He couldn't get what the problem was with the whole thing. Told me I was being a b*tch and to take him to court. Well, then okay ...
The next day I got a very scathing email from EH telling me I'm no mother of the year (never said I was!) and how he does EVERYTHING in the best interest of the princes. Hmmm... the jury's still out on that one. Sorry, I digress. So, I made a call to the attorney to find out what could be done because he was going to continue to allow the princes to play these games and told me that what is done at his house there is nothing I can do about it. I responded with a nice email back explaining what I expected when he had the princes and if he couldn't do that or allowed them to view these games, then I'd take the next appropriate step. Didn't get a response from this so I thought maybe, just maybe he realized what I was saying.
Boy, could I not have been more wrong! EH had the princes for the weekend and they came back with homework not done for the oldest which when I get them back at 5 p.m. and they go to bed by 7:30 AND I have to feed them in there too with bathes, etc. Doesn't leave much time for homework. But the oldest princes was up until almost 8:30 which meant he was a bear to get up the next morning. I also discovered that the littlest prince's hat and gloves were no where to be found so I called EH to inquire about the missing hat, gloves and homework. He didn't answer (remember - he's pissed at me and is pouting). I left a message but didn't get anything back until 8 a.m. the next morning about the hat & gloves ONLY. Fine... ignore me.
That Monday night, I get notice from the oldest prince's teacher that he had a late assignment the previous week. When I inquired about it, I found out it was from when EH had them (Oh, and I had gotten a note from EH on the previous night about he wasn't signing the assignment planner anymore because the teacher didn't require it. Hmm... that's kind of funny when it's in all her back-to-school information and she made a big deal about it the first month of school!). So, I sent EH an email since he wouldn't answer a call from me or return a text. Still nothing. So, by Wednesday I decided I would leave a nice voicemail stating that he needed to acknowledge my question about homework and talk to me about this. Boy, I wasn't really ready for what I got that afternoon.
I got an email late afternoon from him stating that he didn't have an answer for me. Knew nothing about the late assignment or homework that wasn't completed over the weekend. Informed me that he was going to change the after-school arrangements and would not be allowing them to go on his nights and oh, yeah... take him to court if I wanted to. Well, for one... he can't change anything - I think he's forgotten I'm the custodial parent. Lovely Indiana has this stupid warm fuzzy 'joint legal custody' that they make all parents have together for decision making things such as school, medical, religion, etc. But assign one parent as primary physical custodial parent. We share the legal crap but it really doesn't mean much when one comes right down to it. If anything had to be fought over (hopefully, it doesn't), the court usually favors the custodial parent - not always but most likely.
Anyway, I spent 2 hours with the attorney on Thursday going over EH's emails to me and my replies. The attorney said that after reading EH's emails, it appears EH doesn't want to have the princes during the week. But unfortunately for me, I needed to wait to file a motion in court. I needed to let EH hang himself a little longer. It's not that we don't have a solid case but my attorney said the court sees things that are much worse in nature than this and depending on the day, we might not get the ruling we'd be expecting. Although it would be very unlikely for us to lose if/when we went into to court. So, now it's sit and wait...
Things have not gotten any better... I called to talk to my middle prince over the weekend and EH would not call me back after I left a message requesting the prince to call me. I got a text 6 hours later stating the prince didn't want to talk to me. Oh, and I got told that EH would not reimburse me the after-school expense that I had to pay regardless of the princes' attendance from the nights he was not going to allow them to go. But he was going to check with the YMCA about the changing the days and fee structure. This morning I spent time at the YMCA and on the phone with them trying to get the director to understand I am custodial parent, I signed the contract, etc. I mean my f*cking god... they have a copy of the divorce decree and part of the marriage settlement that states I have primary physical custody of the princes. She wanted the whole f*cking entire settlement that gives specifics on support, division of assets, etc. Can I say go to hell? Don't think so! Then she wanted me to get a letter from my attorney and me to pay $250 freakin' dollars to have him draft a letter that would say the same flippin' thing as the papers she already has!! Dumb, just dumb... And, this girl also informed me that EH had called her to inquire about the changes but she told me that the director of the YMCA informed her that since I pay for it, signed the contract and am primary custodial parent, EH can't make any changes! Score one for the parent of the year (ok, at least in my world... *lol*)
Now, tomorrow I get to deal with the school and all the sh*t he's doing there. Meeting with the principal - who just happens to be a friend. So, shouldn't be too bad. Still having this meeting even though I actually spoke to EH tonight and point blank asked him what was up. He of course turned it onto me - typical! Once again, he couldn't see what I was talking about, said he wasn't changing the after-school arrangements (yeah, no sh*t mother-f*cker) and told me that I was doing things that wasn't in the best interest of the princes. Hmm... ahem*yeah*mr.Iletthekidsplay videogamesthatgivethemfreakin'nightmares*ahem. I nicely explained to him how he is in violation (directly) of the decree when he doesn't return my calls when I ask to speak to one of my kids and when he tries to change an arrangement that I made for after-school care. EH still didn't quite understand how all of these plus him not making sure the princes have their homework completed and turned in on time when they are with him could get him his weekday visitation revoked. Explained to him it wasn't anything personal (ok, maybe just a little) but I was just doing what I had to do to protect my princes.
I think, he got it for now but it'll go back to the same old sh*t in a few months and then I'll be in court before school's out getting full custody of the princes and he'll be going to the one evening a week and every other weekend sh*t but that's what his emails/actions, etc. are saying he wants. So if I have to, I'll be more than happy to give it to him and be the bad guy by taking his kids away from him as he so puts it. It's all about him - always has been and always will be unfortunately for the princes. EH will never grow up!
So, ahem... yeah... I've been just a little busy lately!
I've had problems since the beginning of the school year with him making sure the princes have completed their homework. He'll bring them back on Sunday evening with homework not done, big projects not done and that are due on THAT Monday! Each night parents are to sign the assignment planner that the oldest prince has per his teacher's policy but for some reason, EH thinks he's above it and doesn't sign it which means he hasn't looked at it to know what oldest prince needed to have done for the next day. This has resulted in 3 late assignments - I know, that's not much but the pattern is starting. In September, he had my princes for an entire week and the middle prince had a diorama to put together. The assignment sheet came home on a Tuesday and it was due that following Monday. Friday I pick the princes up from after-school care and get a text from EH saying that he has the assignment sheet along with the shoe box for the project and it's due Monday. Well, that just threw a kink in the plans of going to Michigan to the lake cottage for the weekend. Instead, I had to stay here and search for a freakin' raccoon toys small enough to fit in this damn diorama and help the middle prince put it together. And I did it all with a smile on my face because that's what moms do! ~smiling~ When I asked EH about why nothing was done except for gathering the shoe box and printing off some information from the web, he replied because we were busy. Well, gee buddy... we're all busy and ya' need to step up to the plate and multi-task like the rest of us parents.
The busy excuse is his excuse EVERY time homework is not done or a test hasn't been studied for and it's that Monday. Gawd, I know he wants to be the Disney dad and all but it's about ridiculous.
The kicker came a few weeks ago when the princes came back from their usual weekend but this time they were way more violent with each other and all they could do is talk about killing stuff! Yikes! We're talking a 9, 8 and 5 year old here people! Come to find out they had been allowed by their "father" and I use that term loosely, to play 'Dangerous Hunt 2009' and 'Ghost Squad' on their Wii. This 'Dangerous Hunt' game is rather disturbing... it's rated for Teens and it's about a hunter that hunts exotic animals but ends up becoming the hunted. The animals viciously attack the hunter and it's rather graphic for little princes to handle! The 'Ghost Squad' is about a counter-terrorist military group that seeks out terrorists and kills them. Another very graphic game for little ones. So finding this all out, I did what any good parent would do and called EH to inquire. I got told that it's not a big deal, they weren't playing the games but then in the same breath, he said he watched them play it and the littlest prince was right there the whole time! He couldn't get what the problem was with the whole thing. Told me I was being a b*tch and to take him to court. Well, then okay ...
The next day I got a very scathing email from EH telling me I'm no mother of the year (never said I was!) and how he does EVERYTHING in the best interest of the princes. Hmmm... the jury's still out on that one. Sorry, I digress. So, I made a call to the attorney to find out what could be done because he was going to continue to allow the princes to play these games and told me that what is done at his house there is nothing I can do about it. I responded with a nice email back explaining what I expected when he had the princes and if he couldn't do that or allowed them to view these games, then I'd take the next appropriate step. Didn't get a response from this so I thought maybe, just maybe he realized what I was saying.
Boy, could I not have been more wrong! EH had the princes for the weekend and they came back with homework not done for the oldest which when I get them back at 5 p.m. and they go to bed by 7:30 AND I have to feed them in there too with bathes, etc. Doesn't leave much time for homework. But the oldest princes was up until almost 8:30 which meant he was a bear to get up the next morning. I also discovered that the littlest prince's hat and gloves were no where to be found so I called EH to inquire about the missing hat, gloves and homework. He didn't answer (remember - he's pissed at me and is pouting). I left a message but didn't get anything back until 8 a.m. the next morning about the hat & gloves ONLY. Fine... ignore me.
That Monday night, I get notice from the oldest prince's teacher that he had a late assignment the previous week. When I inquired about it, I found out it was from when EH had them (Oh, and I had gotten a note from EH on the previous night about he wasn't signing the assignment planner anymore because the teacher didn't require it. Hmm... that's kind of funny when it's in all her back-to-school information and she made a big deal about it the first month of school!). So, I sent EH an email since he wouldn't answer a call from me or return a text. Still nothing. So, by Wednesday I decided I would leave a nice voicemail stating that he needed to acknowledge my question about homework and talk to me about this. Boy, I wasn't really ready for what I got that afternoon.
I got an email late afternoon from him stating that he didn't have an answer for me. Knew nothing about the late assignment or homework that wasn't completed over the weekend. Informed me that he was going to change the after-school arrangements and would not be allowing them to go on his nights and oh, yeah... take him to court if I wanted to. Well, for one... he can't change anything - I think he's forgotten I'm the custodial parent. Lovely Indiana has this stupid warm fuzzy 'joint legal custody' that they make all parents have together for decision making things such as school, medical, religion, etc. But assign one parent as primary physical custodial parent. We share the legal crap but it really doesn't mean much when one comes right down to it. If anything had to be fought over (hopefully, it doesn't), the court usually favors the custodial parent - not always but most likely.
Anyway, I spent 2 hours with the attorney on Thursday going over EH's emails to me and my replies. The attorney said that after reading EH's emails, it appears EH doesn't want to have the princes during the week. But unfortunately for me, I needed to wait to file a motion in court. I needed to let EH hang himself a little longer. It's not that we don't have a solid case but my attorney said the court sees things that are much worse in nature than this and depending on the day, we might not get the ruling we'd be expecting. Although it would be very unlikely for us to lose if/when we went into to court. So, now it's sit and wait...
Things have not gotten any better... I called to talk to my middle prince over the weekend and EH would not call me back after I left a message requesting the prince to call me. I got a text 6 hours later stating the prince didn't want to talk to me. Oh, and I got told that EH would not reimburse me the after-school expense that I had to pay regardless of the princes' attendance from the nights he was not going to allow them to go. But he was going to check with the YMCA about the changing the days and fee structure. This morning I spent time at the YMCA and on the phone with them trying to get the director to understand I am custodial parent, I signed the contract, etc. I mean my f*cking god... they have a copy of the divorce decree and part of the marriage settlement that states I have primary physical custody of the princes. She wanted the whole f*cking entire settlement that gives specifics on support, division of assets, etc. Can I say go to hell? Don't think so! Then she wanted me to get a letter from my attorney and me to pay $250 freakin' dollars to have him draft a letter that would say the same flippin' thing as the papers she already has!! Dumb, just dumb... And, this girl also informed me that EH had called her to inquire about the changes but she told me that the director of the YMCA informed her that since I pay for it, signed the contract and am primary custodial parent, EH can't make any changes! Score one for the parent of the year (ok, at least in my world... *lol*)
Now, tomorrow I get to deal with the school and all the sh*t he's doing there. Meeting with the principal - who just happens to be a friend. So, shouldn't be too bad. Still having this meeting even though I actually spoke to EH tonight and point blank asked him what was up. He of course turned it onto me - typical! Once again, he couldn't see what I was talking about, said he wasn't changing the after-school arrangements (yeah, no sh*t mother-f*cker) and told me that I was doing things that wasn't in the best interest of the princes. Hmm... ahem*yeah*mr.Iletthekidsplay videogamesthatgivethemfreakin'nightmares*ahem. I nicely explained to him how he is in violation (directly) of the decree when he doesn't return my calls when I ask to speak to one of my kids and when he tries to change an arrangement that I made for after-school care. EH still didn't quite understand how all of these plus him not making sure the princes have their homework completed and turned in on time when they are with him could get him his weekday visitation revoked. Explained to him it wasn't anything personal (ok, maybe just a little) but I was just doing what I had to do to protect my princes.
I think, he got it for now but it'll go back to the same old sh*t in a few months and then I'll be in court before school's out getting full custody of the princes and he'll be going to the one evening a week and every other weekend sh*t but that's what his emails/actions, etc. are saying he wants. So if I have to, I'll be more than happy to give it to him and be the bad guy by taking his kids away from him as he so puts it. It's all about him - always has been and always will be unfortunately for the princes. EH will never grow up!
So, ahem... yeah... I've been just a little busy lately!
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