Saturday, November 21, 2009

Is a 'healthy' divorce possible?

What a week! I'm just plain tired of dealing with an ex-husband who just doesn't get it. I had a two hour meeting with him and the parenting coordinator FINALLY to begin working on proper communication techniques so maybe, just maybe, I can have a productive post-divorce relationship with him. Hmm... at this point I don't think that will ever happen but you can be the judge of the matter.

During the meeting again - he did not take any responsibility for anything that has transpired. I was 'forced' into explaining each and every issue that I have with him while he was not required to do so by the coordinator. I'm thinking at this point that he's being favored. Then when I brought up the issue of him not giving me first right of refusal when it comes to him needing a babysitter for the kids and him saying he ALWAYS does this, I reminded him of the 3 times that he has never notified me that he would be having a sitter and did not give me the opportunity to decline spending more time with my kids. The biggest was when he went into the hospital on Easter morning at about 2 a.m. He had enough sense about him to call our son's godfather, gather all of their school belongs, coats, clothes they had worn to his house that needed to be returned to me, their shoes and place them all in an OCD line up by the front door so his friend would not have to hunt for anything. I was notified at 6 a.m. that morning when I received a phone call by his friend telling me to come get my kids so he could get home and explained that the ex was in the hospital but he had not heard from him. WTF??? I was not called and it's VERY black and white in the states outline and it doesn't say that if you're having a heart attack you don't have to call (oh, and he didn't have a heart attack just an irregular heartbeat probably from the uppers that he takes but unfortunately I can't prove that he does but I have heard from people that he pops 'something'.). But when I relayed this to him and the coordinator, he said that he didn't want to deal with the stress of calling me. *Ahem* excuse me but you are required by law idiot to do so regardless of the situation. If he would have called me I would have told him that was fine and to have his friend call me in the morning. (Does this sound unreasonable?) But to top it off, the coordinator looked at him and said she was understanding that he decided not to because he didn't want to stress himself out because he said he felt the need to protect himself. Again WTF??? Protect himself from what?

Then on Friday afternoon the youngest prince received 'student of the month' at school and was given the award at church. We both received an email from the school 3 weeks ago asking for his shirt size which I responded to. I went to the mass as well did the ex and the prince's step-dad. All the princes sat with me and their step-dad during the mass after we had asked if they wanted to sit with us, their dad or their class. They chose us. I did not see the ex come in or see where he was sitting in the full church because of the ENTIRE school being there for this. After the service, the princes were asked if they wanted to go see their dad and they said 'no' because he was going to pick them up at the parking lot after school. Well, okay then. I walked the youngest prince to his class and the older two went to their classrooms to get their things for dismissal. I walked out with all 3 princes to the parking lot because I needed to give cub scout shirts to the ex for today's raingutter regatta.

After giving the shirts to the ex, he asked if I would call him to discuss what happened today. What the hell? He went on to tell me that I robbed him of enjoying the mass with his sons! I about fell over. He received the SAME notification as I did. He was there. He made no attempt to have the princes sit with him. Blah, blah, blah...

This morning I get an email from the coordinator with an email forwarded from the ex regarding the church incident. He complained that I did not cc him on the shirt size email as he found out from the school that I had responded. He complained that I snatched the boys and how he was saving seats for all of us and how we sat where there was no room for him. Ok, pple... when we came in the church was FULL. Seriously, there were 2 spots with enough room for us to sit. We did not see him and IF he did see us, why did he not come over to us or motion to get my attention? Hmm... He continued to complain about the youngest prince coming back after the award to sit with me and how he could not enjoy the award with him. If he wanted the prince to sit with him, then why did HE not get up and come meet the prince when he was returning from receiving the award? The list goes on and on.

He also complained about being forbidden as he put it from his son's birthday party at MY house that I was paying for!!! The reason that he is not allowed in MY house is that he has over the last year started to become physically assaulting to me when we are in the same area and have any exchange that he does not like. He has shoved me into doors, thrown water bottles at me and slammed my truck door into my shoulder and leg as I was trying to get out of my truck. Hmm... PLUS, my attorney has told me that if I am paying for an event then I do not have to invite the ex to it and I was advised that I needed to stay away from him because of the potential risk.

He also complained in the email about me telling him and his girlfriend (and I use this term loosely) that they could not sit beside me at soccer games. I have endured 2 seasons of them plopping their asses down right beside me, talking about me like I am not there when he and I have discussed something because she ALWAYS has her two cents AND SERIOUSLY, WHY WOULD SHE WANT TO SIT BESIDE THE EX-WIFE? So, I nicely explained to him that the kids could run down to where he was sitting prior to picking up all their shit and moving it right behind my freakin' chair to where I had to step over them to get to it IF the princes wanted to either a) see them or b) sit with him. From what the oldest prince tells me that before I got back to my seat, the ex came over and started moving all of my shit to make room for him and his girlfriend. Okay, seriously... not cool. They got pissed, she made a comment to me about her not having a problem with sitting with me and they moved back to where they were at. But according to him, I yelled at him and it was embarrassing for them. Well, gee... according to the therapist and attorney, they do not get to sit with me UNLESS I am OK with it. Guess what asshole, I AM NOT OKAY WITH IT!!!

Oh yeah... and the last thing is that he is pissed that the school or daycare (that I pay for) calls me first and notifies me of things with the princes. He thinks that he should have the opportunity to be notified instead of me well, the ONE and ONLY time the school did that when one of the princes left school sick and he picked them up at 10 a.m., I wasn't notified by the ex until 6.5 hours later that my son had left school! So all day, I was thinking that my son was at school! This is why the school is told to call me no matter what and let me know PLUS I am the custodial parent according the divorce paper work. DUH!!

So, now... I get to meet this Tuesday with the ex and coordinator to begin a series of 4 meetings to try to help with the communication issues and discuss all of his concerns! What the fuck? What about my concerns? I guess those will get tabled for this first meeting and I will get to tell him off or I'll completely get my ass handed to me by the coordinator. But I have a feeling that it will be to court we go soon...


Anonymous said...

any negotiations need two willing participants if it is to work out. Something as simple as buying a car to something tough like divorce. Until he decides to grow up its going to be hell.

I hope it works out how you want it to!

Honey said...

Amen! It shouldn't be rocket science or anything like that but for whatever reason, he can't figure that part out.

Lilith said...

Sounds to me like you need to have your lawyer contact the court and request a new coordinator. How can you possible expect to get anything done when it seems the person who's supposed to be helping has a huge bias against you!